Tears don't work and drunk people annoy me!

With two concerts this week, Jimmy Buffet and Dave Matthews, my summer "family" reconvened and I now have more stupid people to blog about. Now, I understand that I do enjoy both of these artists very much, but their fans, on the other hand, umm.... not so much! Now are you picking up what I'm puttin' down?

I know what it is like to be a "fan". I am a HUGE fan of lots of things. I SLEPT OUTSIDE TWICE for tickets to 'NSYNC back in the day (shut up, all snickers will cease). Plus, I won tickets off the radio to see them (two times FRONT ROW, thanks once, to Walton!!!). In one year, I saw Cowboy Mouth 13 times, even taking an unexpected road trip from Jackson to Baton Rouge in the middle of the night, and then on to New Orleans for another show the next day! So I understand what it means to be a "fan"! But stupidity and shear ignorance, does not make up for me not having tickets to a sold out show! SOLD OUT means SOLD OUT! So here are a few tips for all you "fans" out there who might need a little lesson:

1. SOLD OUT mean SOLD OUT: I do not have any more tickets to sell you! 18,000 people are at this show and, as much as I would like to shit out a ticket for you, I do not have ANY MORE tickets to sell. No, not even one! Not even a lawn ticket for gobs of money! Not even for "The Greatest Fan of All Time"! No, not even one for your son/daughter who you "forgot" to buy a ticket for! I don't have ANY MORE tickets to sell!!! THE SHOW IS SOLD OUT!!! That's why there are signs up everywhere that says, "Tonight's show is SOLD OUT!" because guess what? Wait for it....... the show is sold out!!!

***Ok, now some of you may think that I am being a little harsh with these "tips", but please, unless you work these concerts and hear some of the biggest excuses (lies) that people come up with; or you are cussed out because the "customer" is stupid and is now blaming you..... you can't call me anything, until you have walked in my shoes.***

2.You're going to a concert. Make sure you have your damn tickets!!!: So you are going to a concert. You are driving x hours (insert hours of time here) from where ever you came from (insert other state here: VA, SC, TN, Hawaii; whatever).
Keys? Check! Beer money? Check! Tickets and ID? THESE TWO THINGS NEED TO BE A CHECK!!! I am sorry that you left your tickets on the kitchen table in Pigeon Forge, TN. I am sorry that your ID is in the car. Yes! You have to go ALL THE WAY BACK to the parking lot to get it! And I am sorry that you are an irresponsible "fan", but you know you can't get into a show without YOUR TICKETS AND YOUR ID!!!! So please, make sure you have these two necessities.

3. (In the same context as #2) Certain items are considered a valid picture ID and "your friend" on the cell phone DOESN'T COUNT!: When a police officer pulls you over to ask for your license and registration, do you say, "I don't have my license, but let me call my friend who knows that I am a safe driver and she can tell you that I am me." ????!??!?!?!?!?!?! This won't jive, people. So don't do it at a concert! I get that your friend bought tickets, can't go and now wants you to now have them. She/he is a really great friend. But your friend needs to take care of business and put the tickets in your name so you can pick them up without any problems. I don't need to talk to your friend, your mom, the guy you slept with last night who swore he was "with the band", or (in the words of James) the President of the United States! Without a picture ID, I don't know who in the hell you are!

4. Don't blame me for your stupidity and/or ignorance! Now, I know what you are thinking. Stupidity and Ignorance are the same thing. No, they are not! In the words of Father Tony from Our Lady Star of the Sea church, in New Orleans, LA,

"Ignorance is when you don't know something.

Stupidity is knowing something is wrong, but doing it anyway.

Don't Be Stupid!"

You KNOW you shouldn't have bought your tickets from the guy down the street selling Lawn tickets for $300 a pop. You KNOW shouldn't have bought tickets from "some guy" off the Internet that you don't know, but had tickets that you bought in auction. You KNOW that if you depend on someone you work with, who knows someone whose sister's baby daddy's cousin's stepdad momma's knows the drummer and left you tickets and backstage passes, that you MAY NOT have tickets waiting for you at Will Call ; so don't drive 15 hours to see you favorite band. DON'T BE STUPID! If it is too good to be true, then it probably is. And you? You just got scammed!

5.If you are this artist's "biggest fan", then you would have bought your tickets the day they went on sale, like everybody else!: Again, I know what it's like to be a "fan", (see introduction). So I made sure that I had my "real" tickets, that I purchased through the venue, months in advance, in my hand, ready to go in to see the show on the day of the concert. Do not expect to walk up on the day of the show, that is predicted to be sold out, and expect to get a ticket! You don't have that kind of luck! Yes, artists do release tickets at the last minute. Yes, you could probably get some from a scalper (see tip #4) when you get there. Yes, we could possibly have a few tickets left when you show up, but don't count on it. Especially, if it is a HUGE artist, (ie Dave Matthews, Jonas Brothers, Madonna), we WILL sell out, so get your tickets in advance! You are their "biggest fan", you should know that there are 17,999 people just like you, and guess what? They bought tickets in ADVANCE! Which means, they are getting in, you.... not so much!

6.Tears don't work and drunk people annoy me! I am an educator and an actress. I have heard it all, seen it all and done it all, and a lot better than you! Turn off the waterworks, cause it's not going to work!

***Again, I am not trying to be harsh, I do have a heart and compassion. But when you are 18 years old, and are completely intoxicated and you just caught your boyfriend cheating on you with your best friend. And he has your ticket, with her in the venue and you can't get inside. Really? How do you expect me to help you? I have a heart, but seriously?***

The lesson here is, I know you are sad! I wanna see Kenny Chesney too, but I can't let everyone, who has a story or cries to me, into the venue. I'm sorry. Life is unfair sometimes. I teach 10 yr olds, who enjoy cussing me out every day, and I get paid crap. Is that fair? No! So please, hold the tears, for when something REALLY serious happens.

Also, if you are SO drunk that you come to MY window, to "check in" and to see the concert, and you miss that big line of people 5 yards away, who are being searched by security to enter. If you THAT drunk, and you can't stand up and need to lean on your friends to balance while they continue to hold your beer. If you are THAT drunk and you come to my window, don't speak to me. I'm not a bitch for looking at you stupid. You are stupid! And don't leave your beer on my ledge as you stumble to the direction of my finger where you are suppose to enter the concert! (I swear, this happened last night. I couldn't make this shit up, even if I tried!)

7. ***Possibly THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP*** Don't make Abby mad!: Officer Banner does not take kindly to having to go outside, so if she has to walk outside in the humidity and has to mess up her hair because you are acting a fool, someone's going to jail! Just don't make Abby mad! I've seen her at about a 3 to a 5, and it ain't a pretty sight. Lord knows what she's like at a 10, especially if she didn't have Vault! So don't make Abby mad! Don't beat on the window to get my attention. Don't cuss me out and yell at me so loud that there are now 7 people (including Officer Banner) behind me trying to see what your problem is. Don't stumble drunkardly up to my window if you are under 21, and make demands upon me like you are grown. And whatever you do, NEVER, EVER backtalk a police officer and take a step forward when they told you to leave. NEVER put your finger in the officer's face. And NEVER tell the police officer that they had better "get your purple LL Bean jacket out of guest services." Because if you do, you will upset my good friend, and if it is serious enough for her to walk outside, YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL!!! So please, for the love of all that is holy, Don't make Abby mad!!!

I hope these tips are helpful. I hope you learned a lot. And if you follow these simple rules, I am sure that we will ALL have a wonderful experience! See you at the show!

Real Housewives

I am addicted to Real Housewives of NYC!

I liked Orange County. I enjoyed Atlanta. I am intrigued by New Jersey.

But New York is my absolute favorite, and within this series, my favorite "housewife" BY FAR is Bethenny Frankel.

Again, I like Alex. I enjoy Jill and I am intrigued by the Countess (Ramona is fun to have around, and Kelly can kiss it!), but Bethenny makes the show!!

She is beautiful, witty and hilarity in a basket. Bethenny is my new favorite role model.

Bethenny has a great sense of style. She is sharp, witty and her "tell it like it is" attitude, reminds me of myself. (Dis-countess! I love it) I also love the fact that she is 38 and not married. And I don't think she has ever been married, which gives me hope. If a wonderful woman like this can't get married, maybe I just need to take a back seat until she's ready. Because, really, fair is fair!

Don't Be Stupid

My brother and sister in law went yesterday to the Youth Rally for our church diocese. They came back with a bracelet that says, "Don't Be Stupid!" and great jokes and stories from a cutting edge priest in New Orleans.

His name is Rev. R. Tony Ricard. Father Tony has great lines and ways to tell the word of Christ to teens. He is all over YouTube. He's really great and is definitely worth checking out. One of Father Tony's sayings is "Don't Be Stupid". Father Tony says:

"Ignorance is when you don't know something. Stupidity is when you know it's wrong but you still do it! Don't Be Stupid!"

I love it! Fr. Tony and "his momma" definitely hits the nail on the when he says "Remember who you belong to, and Don't Be Stupid!" This is going to be my new mantra. Especially at school, with my class, stupidity blossoms using this scenario. My students are VERY intelligent, but sometimes, their utter stupidity annoys me. I can't help them, if they don't want to help themselves.

"Don't Be Stupid!" says Fr. Tony and Ms. Guidry says, "Listen to your priest!"

SPRING BREAK!!!!!!

BREAK! BREAK! BREAK!!!

That is exactly what I need right now!!! I can not tell you how imperative it is for me, and my colleagues, to take a break from school for A WHOLE WEEK!!!! Seriously, if I didn't take time to get away, I would have probably hurt someone, and wouldn't care if they were 10 or 100! I was about ready to go postal!

I love being home! Isn't it always comforting when you can "come home again"? There is something serene and satisfying about being in the house you grew up in. For example, I drink coffee every morning, but it is so different to get up in the morning, (after sleeping in my cozy bed) and walk into the kitchen (at my "momma's house") and grab a cup of coffee with my dad! It is so heart warming! I love that feeling.

My brother and my sister in law came over for Sunday dinner today, which was wonderful. I haven't seen my big, little brother since Christmas and every time we get together, it's hilarity in a basket. We also cut up at the dinner table, which annoys my dad (because when he is trying to eat, he doesn't want "foolishness") and bothers my mom. Megan, my sister in law, just sits there with a confused look on her face. She sometimes doesn't get the inside jokes that we do. But though Momma says she wants us to stop, secretly, I think she loves hearing the laughter. I can tell she misses us a lot.

Today, Walton and I reenacted our favorite SNL skit where the family sits around the dinner table and their forks and knives keep clinking to the plates. Then they start conversations which always end in an argument. Walton and I LOVE doing this when we get together. When there is a lull of conversation and everyone is unconsciously clinking things together, Walton and I will immediately look at each other and begin to laugh hysterically. I couldn't stop giggling today, and Mom had to tell me to leave the table until I "got it together".

Walton also told jokes and we laughed and ate and laughed and ate. It was awesome! I love being home and the well needed break is going great!