LOVE

I keep having a recurring dream. A broad shouldered man, with a gorgeous smile and a dimple on his cheek, who loves me unconditionally. I see 3 - 5 kids running around in my image, calling me mom. I see a life that eludes me, and then I wake up.

This is a future of happiness that I feel I will never have. I can't stop thinking of a future that I want and need so badly in my life. But this future, seems so far away and out of my reach. My heart aches with the pain of a lose love and a lose life. I once had a life like the one of my dreams. My heart was yanked out and stepped on. I find it hard to trust anyone now, for fear of being hurt again. I haven't been able to date anyone seriously for two years, so how do I expect to find the future that I yearn for. I don't. So I live day to day, taking care of other people's children, instead of my own, who are growing up without a mother. How do I do this? Medication that make me "happy" to the outside world. But on the inside, the pain is unbearable.