It's been a zillion years!

So I haven't written a blog in a zillion years, and tons of people are awaiting with baited breath for my next master piece. Ok, maybe it's not THAT serious. I mean I am not curing hunger or anything. (But if I were to accomplish that task, I would just put some WD4o on it....)

Anyway, the reason there has not been many blogs, is well, basically I have been working my ass off!!! Holding down two jobs is just about killing me. I haven't been writing about school either, which is truly crazy because this year has been a riot (can't wait to share).

I am still trying to find a balance between working, having (or not having) a social life and still make time for myself (i.e. relaxing). Right now, NONE of this is working to my advantage. Isn't it amazing how we work so hard not to let other people down, when the only person we ARE letting down is ourselves!?!?!??! Ironic, isn't it? I still have not mastered this concept yet, far from it. Unfortunately, it is just about to completely wear me out!!!

But alas, I have a moment right now, so I go forth with my rantings - uh, I mean - writings. Freudian slip, perhaps?

First, I totally understand that working myself to the bone is totally self-inflicted. I get that mentally. But emotionally, I am still struggling with the "letting people down" part. I want to be there for everyone.... except myself. Here in lies the problem. I don't want to let down my students. I don't want to let down the people that I work with. I don't want to let down my loved ones and friends. Everyone says, "Take care of you." when actually (it seems) they really mean, "Take care of you, as long as it doesn't inconvenience me." WTF???

So what do I do? Listen to my body and mind that says, "Slow down. Take a break." Or to the outside world that says, "I need you. I need your help." Through therapy, I have realized that my trigger is perfection. And when I am not at the top of my game, I freak out. I haven't been at the top of my game for a while now. So the ultimate freak out is impending.

I want to get ahold of this mental disability. I want to get ahold of my anxiety. I want to get ahold of my life, and I pray furiously that I can.