Funny things that happened to me....

So many times, crazy things happen to me that I honestly do a double take and think that I am being punked by Ashton Kutcher. Here are a few of those moments... ENJOY!!!

• You know it's going to be a bad day, when one of your students comes to you and says, "Ms. Guidry, I might be a little crazy today, because I died last night and came back to life when they gave me oxygen. And you know how it feels when you die and come back to life, once they give you the oxygen? You're all like, AAAHHHHAUUGGGHHH! That's how I feel right now." My response, "No. I am not sure I know what it feels like to die and come back to life." ***As a side note, this student was later involved in what can only be described as a Fourth grade brawl, where three police cars came to school and 6 students were suspended for being involved.***

• While sitting in a Burger King drive through waiting to order, after a long night of working the Widespread Panic Concert, a man (who was obviously wasted) came up to my car, and knocked on my passenger side window. Scared and a little startled, I put down my window just enough to see what he wanted to tell me. To which he slurring said, "Hey, I'm not crazy or anything, but they won't let me order food unless I'm in a car. So can I just get in your car and you can order food for me." Uh, no I don't think so.

• When I was working the night of what was suppose to be a Mary J. Blige concert (see previous blog) a customer walked up to my window to ask why the concert had been rescheduled. I was blinded by that huge piece of bling that hung around his neck. I then turned to my friend Ashley and said, "Hey check out this. He's ready for the concert with his bling." "What is it?" Ashley asked. "A king's hat." I answered. "You mean a crown?" Ashley answered matter of factly. Uh, yeah. At that moment, I needed a sign.

• I was talking to one of my students, who could not help the fact that cement was smarter than she. I knew that her mother had been pregnant and her due day was coming soon. "When's your mamma having her baby?" I inquired. Dumbly and wide-eyed she answered, "She already done had it!" "Really, " I said, "You didn't tell me that! When did she have it? Without skipping a beat, she looked at me and said, "On the baby's birthday!" Of course! I should have known.

Forgive

Forgive. That's what you asked me to do. But what you don't know is that I have forgiven you. I just can't forgive myself. I can't forgive myself for falling in love.

I can't forgive myself for changing my life. Before you, there was me. Only me. All I had to take care of was me. It was easy. I was young, and independent, and could do whatever I wanted to do. I didn't know what my future held, but I knew it would be something great. If I wanted to pack up my life and move to another state, I could. And I did.

But then there was you. You, who introduced me into a world that I not only never dreamt of, but one that I never even wanted. I refused to be confined and defined, until you. You made me settle down and opened my life up to a whole new world. When I met you, it was just suppose to be a fling, because I was leaving, moving away, far far away. But you literally swept me off my feet, you cooked me dinner, and said nice things, and when you kissed me, my knees were weak. I didn't know that world was even possible.

But I still left, it was just a fling. And even though I cried when I left you that morning, I figured that I would soon get over it. My heart would get over it. But you didn't let up. You were relentless. You called every night. For three months, you never gave up on me. You called to see how my day was, how miserable I was, and secretly to see if I was starting to see someone else. But I wasn't, because of you. I never gave the move a chance. Because you kept pulling me back into your world. And I let you because I was feeling things that I never had before and I was 11 hours away. "What would it be like if I was there, with you?" I wondered every miserable day. But it wouldn't be long till I would find out. Because I moved back, to take a huge leap, of faith, of heart, of love. I moved back to be with you, to enter your world. Still unsure where it would take me. And for that I'll never forgive myself.

You took me places I never thought was possible. And I let myself go. Willingly, because what I was feeling, I didn't want to give up. I ignored the thoughts in my mind, that this was too fast. I moved back to be with you and I was falling fast. "Be careful," I heard my heart say, "Be very careful." And for not heeding those warnings, I haven't forgiven myself.

Then the holidays came, and things moved so quickly. Again, I was experiencing things that I never thought I wanted. But there were so many happy times, with my family, your family and our family. It all seemed effortlessly. We spent New Years together, stopping on the side of the road at midnight, to take time to appreciate the moment. It was then I knew that the year ahead was going to be everything that I wanted. You were going to be the one. I just knew it. I felt it. But I was still scared. Until my birthday. You sent me a dozen roses. No man, no one, had ever sent me flowers, much less roses, much less on my birthday. I told you that I loved you that night. I remember it so clearly. When you kissed me, I couldn't hold it in any longer. But you did. Because you were being careful protecting yourself and your heart. I didn't. And for not being as careful as you, I haven't forgiven myself.

And we went on, living day to day, with each other. Until I got sick, and went into the hospital. "This is it," I thought, "He's never going to stay after this. It's too much. He's got so much on his plate already. I'll just take this time to recuperate and get back on track. He'll leave and I'll be alone for a bit, but at least I'll know how he really feels. He'll leave. I know it." But you stayed. You stayed by my bed all night. You held my hand when I was hurting. When I feel asleep, you were there, and when I opened my eyes, you were there. My parents were going to rush to my side and you told them no, because you were there. And then I moved in, and I'll never forgive myself.

I fell deeper and deeper into your world. I fell deeper and deeper in love with you. And when you said, "I Love You." I was never so happy in all my life. Because, unlike me, you took your time, you made sure you were sure. You told me in a card that you couldn't say it then, but when you did, it was going to for real. And you said it. I remember every minute. Exactly where we were, exactly what you said, exactly my response. I remember everything. And for remembering every moment, I'll never forgive myself.

But we moved on, living together, sharing our lives, sharing our families, sharing good times and bad and we talked about our future and getting married and extending our family and making plans, and I'll never forgive myself for that. For creating a future for us, before we even had a commitment to each other.

And you started your job, and we talked about everything that came with that. More responsibilty for me, less time with you. Could I handle it? Would I handle it? And I said Yes to everything, because I wanted to give you everything. I wanted you to be as happy as I was. And it was so hard, but I wanted you to be there for you. I wanted to love you, and love our family and love life and be there when you came home and be the perfect wife and the perfect mother. And when things got hard and rough and doubts kept creeping into my head, I blew them away. I wasn't listening because I wanted you to be happy. And for that I'll never forgive myself.

During this time, you wrote the most loving, heartfelt notes, to which I have kept every one. And for that I'll never forgive myself.

You stood by me through so much, the death of my grandfather and wedding of my friends and family. And I think about all the good times we had. But not the bad times, and for that I'll never forgive myself.

And you did what you, and I let you. I didn't go to the birthday party. And for that I'll never forgive myself.

I knew something wasn't right, but I trusted you, and for that I'll never forgive myself.

I moved out because I was so hurt and humilated and I let you continue longer than it should have, and for that I'll never forgive myself.

I stayed around for three months, waiting for you to love me again, and prove to me that you wanted to be with me, and for that I'll never forgive myself.

I left. I didn't fight for you. I didn't fight for us. And for that I'll never forgive myself.

And it's been three years, and I haven't moved on. And for that I can't forgive myself.

It's not that I haven't tried or that I don't want it. It's that I want it so badly and I'm scared to death of finding and losing it again. I can't let myself feel that again. I won't make through another lose. So when you say forgive, it's not that easy to do.

Because you are my greatest love, not my biggest enemy. My biggest enemy is myself.

As the song says, " Forgive, sounds good. But I'm not sure I could. They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting."

I hate LIARS!!!

Why do people have to lie to you? I hate liars! When you say you love someone, really mean that you love them. Those are not three words that you should use lightly. I don't understand how someone can spend a year making sure that you are the one that they want to spend the rest of their life with you, and they finally say they love you. You think they mean it. When someone says they want to marry you, you believe them. Why shouldn't you? You are spending everyday with that person. But all of a sudden that all ends because they say they have found someone else. And in a two week time period, they have fallen in love with someone else. How does that work? I just don't get it!!!! Even now, reflecting back, I just don't understand what you did wrong. Where did you go wrong? I don't know.

When you say you're going to email someone. Email them. When you say you're going to send pictures, send the f#$@ing pictures!!! It's not hard. Just do what you say you're going to do! If you not going to contact someone, DON'T SAY YOU WILL!!!! Otherwise, someone will be waiting, hoping and praying for someone to send an email!!!~!Q!Q@ DON'T LIE ABOUT IT!!@
IF YOU NEVER INTEND TO SEND AN EMAIL, DON'T SAY YOU WILL! DON'T KEEP MAKING PROMISES THAT YOU CAN'T AND WON'T KEEP!!

What is so hard about saying, "Listen, you dumb stupid bitch. I've tried to do this nicely but you just can't and won't get the picture. I don't love you, I never did, I used you and you played right into my hand. You believed everything I said because you wanted to believe me. I played your ass like Lotto for two years and you let me!!!! Now that I finally got rid of you, you need to get a clue and a life and realize that I don't want anything more to do with you. I love my life without you. I've moved on. I never think about you, I am just living my life. You need to do the same, because I never loved you!!! And no, I'm not going to send you a dumb email and pictures because you don't deserve them. What you deserve is psychiatric help because you're a dumb bitch who got her heart broken and you are still wallowing in a life that you never had. I was never going to marry your stupid fat ass, because you are a stupid ugly fat bitch who is a psycho!!! I don't want that in my life! And you must be really stupid if you think I would."
Why is that so hard to say? I just did!!! It's very easy.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS WORSE, THE STUPID LIAR WHO LIES ALL THE TIME AND NOTHING THAT THIS PERSON SAYS CAN EVER BE THE TRUTH OR THE STUPID PERSON THAT WAITS AROUND AND STILL BELIEVES THE DUMB F!@%%ING LIAR!!!!

What a dumb stupid bitch!!! Who keeps believing the liar, even though time and time again the liar lies to her. over and over and over and over and over and over and over again....

I didn't make Mary J Blige sick

About two weeks ago, I was suppose to work the Mary J. Blige concert. Unfortunately, due to an illness, the concert was rescheduled to Wednesday, October 8.

I stupidly volunteered to go into work and take phone calls and work the box office window for those fans, who didn't get the message. WRONG WRONG WRONG IDEA!!!
Every person who came to my window, decided to cuss me out because the concert was rescheduled. I am sorry that you spent all day in the salon getting your hair done. I apologize for you spending hours in the mall trying to find that perfect outfit. I understand that this inconvience means that you will have to come back and you planned your whole weekend around this one concert.

But people..... this WAS NOT MY FAULT!!!

I didn't get Mary J. sick. I am not in charge of her schedule and I don't know why she chose a week night to do the concert. Also, I didn't price the tickets. I know you spent $104 on each ticket for the best seats available, but I didn't make you buy the tickets. And no, I can not give you a refund for those tickets you won off the radio. I also can not compensate you for the gas used to travel from Virginia, or the hotel/food that you paid to spend the weekend in Charlotte.
As much as I would like to be a miracle worker, alas I am not.

So please, I do not mind listening to your frustrations, but there is really nothing that I can do. As I did not make Mary J Blige sick.

The only thing that saved me from wanting to shove a pair of scissors in my eye, was Ashley and James making me laugh the whole time! Without them, I might have gone off on somebody myself. Thanks guys!

P.S Did you know that a "king's hat" is called a crown? But that's another story.....

Should I stay or should I go?

My grandmother is sick in the hospital.

These are the days that I hate being so far away. I wish I could be there to see her, to love her, to give her some comfort, like she did for me growing up. I miss my family so much. It's so lonely up here without having any family. While I love my job, and I love this city. Being home is what I love the most.

I know that it is my choice to stay away. My Mom and Dad tell me all the time, I could move back any time that I wanted. But I've tried moving home a couple of times, and that didn't soothe my soul either. I guess it's because during my formative years of growing up, I was away at school. I've moved around my whole life. I've never been lucky enough, like my brother, to make roots in one place. I think this has been to my detriment.

I lived in the same house until I was 7. A tornado destroyed it, along with the life my parents had
built for us. We got another house, in same place, but only stayed there for three years. Then, we moved one town over. Six years later, I went away to school. It was an opportunity that I couldn't pass up. 2 years later, college. I moved to another state. I stayed in college for 5 years, but in that time, accumulated 2 different dorms, 1 house with my sorority sisters, and 4 different apartments.
After graduation, I moved back home, living with my parents. This lasted for seven months and my independence beckoned. So, I moved back to Jackson. I stayed there for a year and a half and then moved to Jacksonville, FL with the company that I worked for. I hated Jacksonville and after 4 months, I moved back to Jackson. 6 months later, I moved in with my boyfriend.
I thought this was it! I will finally make roots and marry this man, making his house my home. WRONG! A little more than a year later, he cheated. I moved out. I moved in with a friend, spending the summer there, and then moved back home with Mom and Dad. 8 months later, I decided to move to Charlotte. I moved during the last week of July and this summer marks my two year anniversary here.

Now, I am contemplating going home..... AGAIN! What is wrong with me? Why can't I find a place where I am content? I know moving home will only be a temporary solution to an on-going problem. I just want a place that feels right. Being alone is my greatest fear. Something happening to my family, and I not getting back in time, worries me every day.

So, what should I do? Should I stay or should I go?

Love is patient....

5 years ago, almost to the date, I wrote a list of what I wanted in my future husband. What's funny is that I solely believe that everything happens for a reason and for some reason I was drawn to my Bible tonight, unsure of what I was looking for. But I have been fighting a lot of demons lately. Many that stem from my past relationship. I opened my Bible to my favorite scripture reading:

Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill - mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its fail, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal. But when what is perfect comes, then what is partial will disappear.

1Corinthians 13

I then began to write out a list of every thing that I wanted in my future husband. Here 's the list as it was written :

March 19, 2003 - Wednesday

What I want in my future husband:

1. I want a husband taller than me - 6' 0 '' or taller

2. I want him to be attractive.

3. I want a husband with a great smile

4. He must look good with his shirt off.

5. He must have broad shoulders.

6. I want a husband who will love me unconditionally

7. I want a husband who respects me.

8. I want a husband who wants to be with me

9. I want a husband whom I can trust.

10 I want a husband who wants to be a good father.

11.I want a husband just like my daddy.

12. I want a husband who makes me feel safe.

13. I want a husband who can make me laugh.

14. I want a husband with a good family.

15. I want a husband who gets along with my family.

16. I want a husband who will like and gain approval from my brother.

17. I want a husband who wants to take care of me.

18. I want a husband who thinks that I am gold.

19. I want someone who I thinks is gold.

20. I want a husband who has a good job.

21. I want a husband who is financially secure.

22. I want a husband who has a great support system of friends.

23. I want a husband who can get along with my friends.

24. He has to be approved by and like my best friend, Michael.

25. I want a husband who can make me stronger person.

26. I want a husband who can support me in my goals and dreams.

27. I want a husband who can pursue his goals and dreams, as well.

28. He has to be a Christian, preferably Catholic.

29. He has to have a good relationship with God.

30. He can't do drugs.

31. He can't smoke a lot.

32. He can't be heavy drinker.

33. He needs to be spontaneous.

34. He has to be adventurous.

35. I want a husband who like to travel.

36. I want a husband who doesn't want to be with any other women, except me.

37. He likes country music.

38. I want a husband who enjoys children.

39. I want a husband who wants children to have children (at least 3 if the Lord allows)

40. I want a husband who love football.

41. He must like fishing with my daddy.

42. I want someone who will lift me to be a better person.

43. I want a husband who will take me out for dinner and dancing.

44. I want a husband who is a romantic.

45. I want a husband who will send me love notes.

46. I want a husband who can say "I love you!" and mean it with his whole heart and soul.

47. I want a husband who means what he says.

48. I want a husband who doesn't lie, steal, and especially cheat. My heart can't take that again.

49. I want a husband who can take care of me emotionally, physically and psychologically.

50. I want a husband who does not put me down.

51. I want a husband who has a good relationship with his family.

52. I want someone who is educated.

53 He must be able to carry on a conversation.

54. I want someone who takes care of himself.

55. I want someone who goes to church and has a relationship with God.

56. I just want someone who I could spend the rest of my life with......

I wrote this 5 years ago on March 19th, a Wednesday night. Interesting enough, this Wednesday is March 19. I am putting my list back into my Bible. I will let go and pray that He will answer all of my prayers.

I alone know the plans that I have for you,

plans that bring you prosperity and not disaster,

plans to bring about the future that you hope for.

Jeremiah 29:11

Family

My father is my greatest hero. A girl loves nothing more in this world than her daddy, but my daddy is more special to me than anyone. He is the only man in my life whose never let me down. He is my whole universe. He's taught me more about life, love and the person that I want to be. Even though I will devote my life to my future husband and my own family, there will never be anyone in the world who I will ever love more than my daddy. I will always be daddy's little girl.